It’s not an overstatement to say that the promise of quitting has gotten me through multiple jobs, including after a higher-up threw her coffee to the ground in front of me out of frustration, and when a manager claimed to not sense time and therefore wouldn’t be following a schedule. During these day-to-day frustrations, the fantasy of sending an “I quit” email was a balm, though it was swiftly overwhelmed by panic about paying bills and hanging onto health insurance when I had jobs that offered it.
I endorse celebrating whenever a friend quits a job they hate, but I wish the logistics of quitting got more airtime. Instead, “Why don’t you just quit?” is presented as an antidote to overwork or abusive work circumstances. This seemingly simple solution ignores just how many people are stuck in bad jobs because America’s lack of a social safety net means they need to work to meet their basic needs. Even as headlines about the so-called Great Resignation continue to swirl, countless people remain in jobs because they can’t quit (or are doing unpaid work).
At the same time, calls to “stick it out” fall short for someone who spends every day struggling through a job. A recent survey from the Pew Research Center shows that low pay, lack of opportunities to advance, and feeling disrespected are among the top reasons that people have quit their jobs in the past year — not small things, especially given how much of our life work gobbles up. In addition, the impact of a bad job on mental health is profound. So it’s also not an overstatement to say that quitting a job can be an act of self-preservation.
When I present this to Melissa Nightingale, founder, and partner at Raw Signal Group, a management-training organization based in Toronto, she points out that “can’t quit a job before the one-year-mark” advice still gets shared, despite how incorrect it is. “It keeps people working in toxic situations even after they’ve realized they are in a bad situation,” she explains. “We as a society should be incredibly skeptical of work advice that penalizes people for advocating for their mental health, safety, or right to work in a harassment-free environment.”
And sometimes, that advocacy looks like, well, quitting.
In what kind of job situation should I quit?
First things first: “If you are in a workplace that is causing emotional [or] mental health challenges, then it will be better for you to leave that position and resolve those challenges than for you to stay in that position and have those challenges get worse,” Phoebe Gavin, a career and leadership coach and executive director of talent and development at vox.com, tells me.
“If you are being verbally abused at work," Gavin continues, "if someone is yelling at you if somebody is calling you [something other than] your name if someone is misgendering you — those are all signs of abuse. So don't talk yourself into thinking that that is a normal part of the professional experience because it is not.” (And no, enduring abuse by an employer is not “paying your dues.”)
Similarly, if you’re so depleted that you’re burnt out and struggling to function in other areas of your life, that’s a situation in which powering through is harmful. Gavin recognizes that quitting a job immediately often isn’t possible from a financial perspective, but she encourages folks who are enduring abuse at work to seek local support services to lean on while exiting the job.
If you don’t like the job but the job isn’t abusive, Gavin says, there can be some merit in staying in the role until you have something else lined up. But again, that’s a personal call.
Particularly during the first professional chapter in your life — the first three to five years of your career — it’s about finding yourself, Gavin explains: “It’s important for you to take that time to explore and learn and try new things.” In that case, jumping around may make sense, and it's a natural thing to bring up in the actual interview. Rather than asking whether it's okay to quit a job after a year or less, Gavin suggests reframing the question as, "What are the consequences of leaving a job after a year?" And then, "Am I okay with that?”
What about a résumé gap?
Despite the plethora of reasons one might not be in the paid workforce (which shouldn’t have to be justified), this question remains.
“There’s this argument that, no matter how bad it is, you have to endure work long enough — a year, 18 months, three years — to have it ‘count’ on your résumé before you’re allowed to do the next thing,” says Johnathan Nightingale, Melissa’s husband, and a co-founder and partner at Raw Signal Group. In most entry-level jobs, he notes, there’s a learning curve, and it’s tough to stay motivated. If that’s the case, you can consider sticking around long enough to see if you settle in. But there’s no stick-to-itiveness worth enduring a toxic culture or an abusive boss if you have the option to leave.
If you do happen to have a time gap between a job you quit and your next job, Gavin says, you can use that strategically. “You can talk about that in an interview,” she points out. “You can say, ‘I left this position, it wasn't the best fit for me, and I learned some really important things about what I'd like, where I want to go in my career.'" Gavin continues, "'I spent the six months between that job and this conversation working on developing my skills,'” and she cites examples of independent projects, learning new software, or otherwise advancing your work in some way.
How do I quit?
“When you think you’re going to quit, your attention inevitably goes to the act: Where will I do it, when, how will I do it?” Johnathan tells me. But the anxiety and anticipation of that can be overwhelming for a lot of people (Hi, it’s me!). “Instead, start from where you want to end up. What do you want to be true the day after, a week after, a year after you quit?” Is it a new job? Recovering? Changing job sectors? Think about that in order to establish clarity. Melissa suggests, “Get clear on what you’re running toward (even if it’s just a long nap) so that your attention isn’t focused only on what you’re running from.”
In terms of the logistics of the quitting conversation, Melissa recommends checking your employment agreement or any paperwork you signed on your way into the job. Different companies have different rules and different states have different rules, she explains.
The way you quit a job is important, Gavin emphasizes. First, tell your boss verbally — in person or face-to-face via Zoom — then follow up by saying the same thing in writing to your boss and human resources department, if your workplace has one. “It’s really important for you to make sure that you leave in a way that strengthens your relationships, not weakens them,” Gavin says, regardless of whether you feel positive about the position or company. That way, she adds, if you happen to reconnect with former colleagues later in your career, they won’t have any reason to negatively impact your available opportunities.
One last thing: Quitting a job — especially a job you should, on paper, theoretically like — can feel like a failure. But you aren’t a failure for quitting, even if you imagined yourself being in a role for longer than a year. You’re growing. Quitting can be about striving for something better — better pay, better treatment, a better quality of life.