Gen Z is at work, and they're fighting with bricks.
We're tackling something we all have to deal with at some time or other: work drama. Each week, I'll be bringing the juiciest stories from across the web right to our little virtual water cooler. From toxic bosses to nightmare workplaces, I'm here to speak a little justice on behalf of the average worker.
While you're here, please note that this weekly series is meant solely for entertainment purposes. Please do not have your HR team call me tomorrow saying you heard it from Joel at Digg.
My Husband's Co-Worker Made Me Go Against Him, And Now I'm Spiraling
[Image credit: Pavel Danilyuk]
My husband (27M) and I (26F) have been together for five years, married for just over three years, and have a baby boy who is almost two years old. We're hoping to have a second child soon. We have a really good marriage with a lot of quality emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy, and he's a great father. However, I think I may have just ruined it all. A friend of mine works in the same department of the company as my husband, and they occasionally run into each other, but they have never worked together. Three weeks ago, she called and told me that my husband had a "work wife," someone our age who joined the company three months ago on my husband's team. She advised me to be suspicious. She showed me pictures and videos of my husband with his alleged work wife, and none of it looked particularly alarming; it looked like normal interactions between coworkers. My husband has mentioned her before, saying they are working on the same projects, and he has to help her get up to speed. My husband and I both have an open-device policy, so I looked through his phone that evening and found only work-related texts and emails between them. I asked my husband about it and let him know that my friend had mentioned him working with the work wife. My husband laughed and reassured me that it was purely work-related and told me there was nothing to worry about. I trust him fully, so I dropped it and told my friend there was nothing going on between them. My friend was adamant that there was at least an emotional affair going on and it would turn physical if they got the chance, and I asked for her solid proof. From my perspective, there were no signs of my husband cheating. He wasn't hiding his phone, going out mysteriously, and he was emotionally present at home. We were also getting intimate very often. However, for the next week, my friend would text me every day that they were doing this and that, but there was simply no proof. I grew tired of this and told my friend to either send me actual proof of something going on or stop. I was still periodically checking my husband's phone and laptop but never found anything. She told me that, to her knowledge, they hadn't kissed or even hugged, but there was definitely something brewing there. She would stop telling me if she just saw a conversation between the two. That week, my husband was given a promotion, meaning his current team, including the alleged work wife, will be directly working under him starting in a few weeks. We celebrated that night, and I basically forgot all about what my friend had been saying until the next day, when my husband came home with a bottle of red wine with a taped sticky note congratulating him on the promotion with a little heart at the end of the message. I went ballistic at my husband for the first time that day, accused him of cheating, and said horrible things that I never should have said. He denied everything. Again, there was no proof that my husband was cheating, and he was emotionally and physically as present as ever. I apologized to him the next day, and we made up. This week, my husband had to go on a work trip for three days (not the whole week due to it being the 4th of July) with three other people, including the work wife. He doesn't travel for work often, and I was again suspicious if something was going on and made up my mind to follow my husband to see for myself if anything was going on. He had a choice between taking a 1.5-hour flight or a five-hour drive, and my husband, being the car fanatic he is, chose the five-hour drive. I told my best friend (different friend) about the situation, and she warned me that if my husband wasn't cheating, I would regret doing this, but she agreed to look after our son for a few days. After he left, I rented a car and also drove to the city he was going to. I trusted that if something was going on, nothing would happen in the office, and they would wait to get back to the hotel. For three days and two nights, I tracked his location and observed from a distance, and nothing ever happened. Both days, my husband would have a drink at dinner with the other three colleagues, then go back to the hotel room and call me. On the third day, he drove back home after work. I made excuses for why we couldn't FaceTime and we would just talk on a voice call for a few minutes. I drove back on the third morning, and I was relieved that my husband was loyal to me, but I have had an overwhelming sense of guilt and self-disgust for breaching my husband's privacy and trust ever since. When my husband came home, I had his favorite meal prepared, and I just hugged him as tightly as I possibly could. It's been 24 hours since he came home, and we went to a 4th of July show today, but all I have been thinking about is what I did. I told my best friend about how guilty and ashamed I feel, and she gave me an ultimatum: either I tell my husband about how I stalked him during his business trip, or she will. I know what I did was wrong. I knew it was wrong when I was doing it, but I needed to know for my own sanity. What do I do now?
Your friend is a bully, it's as simple as that. Everyone in the comments can see that she's just trying to mess with you, and it's sad how she was able to convince you about something so nonsensical. Talk to your husband, let him know it was a friend that got to you, then apologize. Cutting that "friend" off doesn't sound too drastic either, and let your husband know to avoid her at work from now on. You messed up a bit, but it's not too late to salvage this. I hope your husband will understand that some bullies never graduate mentally past their high school days. Read the rest of the thread here.
A New Co-Worker Is Working Hard... For My Husband?
[Image credit: Pavel Danilyuk]
Hello everyone,
Me and my husband have been working together for a couple of months. Our manager hired someone new that works in my husband's team. My husband was telling me when she got hired she was asking him how old he is etc. I just thought whatever just getting to know people around. Then after a while she started asking him personal questions about our marriage, it made me super uncomfortable because we're at work and our marriage is none of her business.
My husband started telling me that she's making him uncomfortable, and whenever he works alone with her he puts on his headphones just so that he can ignore her. But she really doesn't get the hint and keeps trying to make a conversation. Two days ago, she was acting dumb asking my husband what car to buy in front of me as if she can't do her own research... also noticed she speaks with him in a different tone than anyone else.
To be honest, i try my best to ignore her, i don't show that I am upset. But OMG, I am sooo pissed off. I just don't like how she acts so dumb, how should I deal with her? I feel so disrespected.
Your husband needs to shut this down, and then go to HR with a documented list of these incidents. Anyone with basic corporate training would suggest that this is borderline sexual harassment, and it should be reported immediately. As the wife, do not approach her because there isn't a need to get involved — try and stay out of the procedural process. Going forward, limit your interactions at work, and, if possible, make sure there are always others in the room with you. I know this might be eating at you, but this is a story you don't want to involve other co-workers into, even by just talking about it with them. Read the rest of the thread here.
A Co-Worker Thinks I Groomed My Husband, But I Don't Think She Knows What The Word Means
[Image credit: Andrea Piacquadio]
My husband started a job a few months ago. It’s a night shift job, and they sometimes stay long enough to interact with the opening staff. This morning, he was in the break room for a quick drink before finishing up for the day. A coworker asked if he was married as she noticed his wedding band and followed it up by asking how old he was, commenting that he looked too young to be married. He told her that he was 24 and that we have been happily married for five years. She said, "So you were 19 when you got married?" and my husband responded, "Yes, I was 19, almost 20, and my spouse had just turned 20." She said, "So you were groomed." He said, "No? We were both over 18 when we got married, and it's a five-month age gap. We were both definitely adults." She said, "That's exactly what someone who was groomed would claim." She kept pushing at it, saying the small age gap and 18+ facts didn't matter and that it was disgusting that a 20-year-old would marry "a teenager." He pushed back as well, saying that it definitely wasn't grooming. She was incredibly insistent and was making snide remarks about me. Here's the comment she reported him for: "Even if it was grooming — which it wasn't — I would do it all over again the same way because it's worked out great so far." After the conversation ended and my husband got back to work, she approached him and informed him that she had called HR to report him. He said, "Sounds good, I’ll be giving them a call myself because your behavior was inappropriate." She ignored him and stomped off. After he got off work, he called to report her as well. HR thanked him for calling before they had to call him. Apparently, she told them exactly what happened, and they were really confused as to why she was coming out of this thinking she was the wronged party. He apologized for making the comment and told them he knew it wasn't work appropriate, but that he was beginning to get angry about the way she was talking about his spouse and responded without thinking. The HR rep said he understood and that it was an inappropriate response, but it wasn't anything worth being punished over. They did, however, ask him if he wanted to follow through on a complaint against her because her commenting that aggressively about me and accusing both me and him of really serious things was behavior that was punishable. He told them he would. We both find this super baffling, mostly because we both come from a small town in a deep southern state, where young marriages are very common. We're currently in a larger city in a western state, and while we've gotten comments or questions about our young marriage, nobody has ever mentioned anything about grooming over a five-month age gap.
This is why I'll always vouch for being the enigma at work. As far as everyone else is concerned, you are an NPC that only accepts work-related prompts. It's crazy that it almost feels like some people clock in just to mess with you, but this co-worker sounds like she really wanted to fight. It just reeks of pure immaturity. Here's hoping that your husband doesn't run into her again going forward. Read the rest of the thread here.