I struggled to make friends at work, and it was even harder to keep them once I left the job. A simple tip from a therapist helped.

1. Strengthen your introduction: Consider starting with a more impactful anecdote or question to draw readers in. For example, "Have you ever felt like a ghost in your own workplace?"
2. Show, don't tell: Use vivid descriptions and examples to illustrate your experiences. Instead of saying you were "shy and awkward," describe a specific situation that highlights those qualities.
3. Vary your sentence structure: To keep your writing engaging, mix up simple, compound, and complex sentences.
4. Consider adding a conclusion: Wrap up your piece with a thoughtful reflection or a call to action for others who might be struggling with similar experiences.

Here's a revised example of the introduction:

"Have you ever felt like a ghost in your own workplace? That was me for the first few months at my new job. Coming straight from the university halls, I was overwhelmed by the corporate culture and unsure how to fit in. I'd often find myself hiding behind my desk, avoiding conversations and pretending not to notice my coworkers."