When someone is grappling with the loss of a loved one or facing a significant life crisis, our instinct is often to offer help. The typical conversation might go like this:
**Us:** I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What can I do to help?
**Person in Crisis:** I honestly don’t know right now.
**Us:** Okay, well, just let me know if you need anything—anything at all.
**Person in Crisis:** Thank you.
**Us:** I mean it. Don’t hesitate to ask. I’m happy to help with whatever you need.
And then… silence. The person may never reach out for assistance.
### Understanding the Silence
It’s unlikely that they don’t need help; rather, the challenge lies in how we offer it. In times of crisis, individuals often feel overwhelmed and disoriented, making it difficult for them to articulate their needs or make decisions. They may feel as though they are drowning, and asking for help can feel like an insurmountable task.
Instead of waiting for them to ask, we can take proactive steps to provide meaningful support. Here are some practical ways to help someone in crisis without requiring them to make decisions or ask for assistance:
### 1. Prepare Meals
Instead of asking if they would like a meal, inquire about any dietary restrictions and then take action. Cook meals that can be easily stored in the refrigerator or freezer, such as casseroles, soups, or stir-fries. Include clear cooking or reheating instructions and consider using disposable aluminum trays for easy transport.
If cooking isn’t your forte, consider purchasing gift cards for local restaurants that offer delivery services, ensuring it covers delivery fees and tips as well.
#### Organize a Meal Train
To involve the community, set up a "meal train" where friends can sign up to bring meals on different days. Websites like Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal make this process simple and organized.
### 2. Clean Their Space
Offer to clean their kitchen or bathroom without waiting for permission. You might say, “I’d like to come over and tidy up your kitchen so it’s ready whenever you want to cook. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?” This approach minimizes decision-making and provides them with a clean space to retreat to.
### 3. Help with Laundry
Offer to do their laundry while keeping them company. If they’re uncomfortable with you handling personal items, focus on washing towels or bedding instead. Alternatively, you could provide a laundry service where you pick up their laundry and return it clean and folded the next day.
### 4. Run Errands
Text them when you’re heading out for errands: “I’m going to the store; what can I grab for you?” This small gesture can alleviate some pressure on their shoulders. You could also invite them to join you on errands if they feel up to it—sometimes just having company can be uplifting.
### 5. Provide Childcare
If they have children, offering to take care of them for a day can be incredibly helpful. Plan a fun outing—like a trip to the park or ice skating—so they can have some time alone to process their feelings without worrying about their kids.
### 6. Focus on Their Struggles
Instead of asking how you can help, try asking what they’re struggling with most right now. This allows them to pinpoint specific areas where they need support without feeling overwhelmed by open-ended questions. They may need companionship, assistance with pets, or help managing household tasks.
During times of crisis, individuals often require practical support rather than verbal offers of help. By taking initiative and addressing basic life maintenance tasks—like cooking meals or running errands—you can provide meaningful assistance without placing additional burdens on those who are already struggling. Remember that your actions can serve as a lifeline during their time of need; sometimes all it takes is someone willing to step in and take charge when they feel like they’re drowning.