This is the story of a woman navigating the challenges of balancing motherhood and a demanding career. After the birth of her second child, she felt overwhelmed and considered quitting her business, but her husband's support and their subsequent adjustments helped her find a better balance.
Her career began in 2014 as a consultant at McKinsey, followed by a role at Alibaba in 2016, connecting Dutch e-commerce businesses with the Chinese market. In 2017, she and her husband moved to China, where she continued working for Alibaba in Hangzhou. This experience sparked her interest in leadership development, leading her to launch her own business, TheoryY, in 2018.
Around the same time, she became pregnant with her first child. Five months later, the family relocated back to the Netherlands just as the COVID-19 pandemic began. She became pregnant again and had her second child in February 2021. The pandemic made childcare difficult, and she started a new project only ten weeks after giving birth.
The lack of sleep and the pressure to meet both work and family demands took a toll. She felt she wasn't succeeding as either a mother or a professional. She felt the societal pressure to be the "perfect" mother, a myth that clashes with the demands of a dedicated employee. She was working fewer hours but felt constantly divided, unable to be fully present in either role.
Her husband, while supportive and involved as a father, had a full-time job. Although he took parental leave, the primary responsibility for managing the household and childcare fell on her, especially during the pandemic. This led to a feeling of constant firefighting and an uneven distribution of the mental load.
When she expressed her desire to quit, her husband disagreed, believing she wouldn't be happy as a stay-at-home mother. This sparked important conversations where she expressed feeling undervalued and only appreciated for her professional achievements. He reassured her of his appreciation for her as a mother.
Ultimately, she decided to continue working, but they implemented significant changes. After the birth of their third child in 2023, her husband took 26 weeks of parental leave, assuming full responsibility for the household for the first time. This allowed her to fully trust him and created a more equitable dynamic. They now regularly communicate and adjust their responsibilities as needed, moving away from a rigid 50/50 split towards a more flexible and collaborative approach.
In retrospect, she acknowledges the wisdom of her husband's initial reaction. She realizes that she needs the intellectual stimulation of her work and that it ultimately empowers her to be a better mother and partner.