Feeling Overwhelmed? You Might Be a "Doer"
It's Friday morning, and you're in your new therapist's office, two weeks after a painful breakup. When asked how you're doing, you confidently reply, "Fine." You've already taken action: bought self-help books, scheduled therapy, and even consulted a feng shui expert. You're handling this perfectly, or so you think.
If this sounds familiar, "doing" might be your primary coping mechanism. You tackle challenges with to-do lists and action plans. While this can be productive, it can also lead to burnout and difficulty relaxing. Understanding this tendency and developing alternative coping strategies can help you find balance and improve your well-being.
Why Do We Cope by "Doing"?
"Doing" provides a sense of control, efficiency, and even a temporary escape from difficult emotions. This response is both learned and rooted in our biology. The "fight or flight" response, designed for survival, activates during stressful situations, prompting us to take action. This instinct can manifest as a flurry of activity after a loss, a move, or any significant life change.
The Pitfalls of Over-Doing
While action is generally positive, over-reliance on "doing" can become problematic. Our bodies strive for balance (homeostasis), and constant activity disrupts this balance. This can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like excessive alcohol consumption, unhealthy eating, or excessive social media use—attempts to "zone out" rather than truly restore. This cycle of extreme activity and unhealthy escape can lead to burnout and the suppression of emotions, which can resurface unexpectedly.
Alternative Coping Strategies for "Doers"
Shifting away from constant activity can be challenging. Stepping out of "fight or flight" mode can initially feel uncomfortable, as it can make us feel vulnerable. The key is to introduce gentler ways to slow down and process emotions.
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Create Mental Space: Constant activity leaves little room for emotional processing. While meditation might be too intense for "doers," activities that allow the mind to "float" can be more effective. Choose a moderately engaging task like cleaning a closet or painting your nails. Perform part of the activity without distractions like podcasts, TV, or music. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment or the need to solve problems immediately. If it becomes too challenging, gently redirect your attention back to the task.
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Engage Directly with Emotions: Emotions can manifest as clear feelings like anger or sadness, or as physical symptoms like irritability, fatigue, or muscle aches. Dedicate time to explore these experiences. Try journaling with prompts like, "What am I feeling frustrated about?" or use physical activity like boxing to release pent-up emotions. Even small amounts of conscious processing can provide clarity and relief.
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Learn to Say "No": Achieving balance requires creating space between tasks. This can be difficult for "doers." Practice saying "no" to reduce overwhelm and guilt. Start small, declining less critical commitments first. For example, it might be easier to decline baking for a bake sale than canceling a necessary appointment. Prepare polite phrases like, "I appreciate you asking, but I won't be able to do that this time." Each refusal contributes to a less overwhelming schedule.
"Doing" can be a valuable asset, but when overused, it can lead to negative consequences. By incorporating these alternative coping strategies, you can harness the positive aspects of your active nature while achieving greater balance and well-being.