I’m highly competitive, and the thought of losing drives me to push harder. When I sense someone might outperform me, it flips a switch deep inside, pushing me into overdrive. This isn’t limited to my work at FutureFund, our free fundraising platform for K-12 school groups. Whether it’s being an athlete, coach, family man, or software engineer, I aim to excel in everything I do. For the most part, this works—it motivates me to strive for excellence and keeps me from stagnating.
However, this same drive can sometimes backfire. My aversion to losing is so strong that it even makes me avoid board games, which can dampen family game nights if I don’t keep it in check. Many people in tech share this trait because the industry is fiercely competitive. Like me, they pour 100% of themselves into their work, making success or failure feel deeply personal. Our brand becomes: "When I do something, I will succeed."
The key is channeling this competitiveness in a way that serves your work and personal goals rather than hindering them. Here’s how I manage it—and how you can too.
### The Way You Respond to Competition Is a Choice
Not everyone reacts to competition the same way. People generally fall into one of two categories when they see someone else succeeding at something they want to achieve:
**Group 1:** Tries to sabotage the competition. They focus on discrediting others by shifting the narrative to cast doubt on their success. While overt smear campaigns are frowned upon, many companies subtly compare their products favorably to competitors’ offerings in press releases or marketing materials.
**Group 2:** Focuses on self-improvement. Instead of tearing down rivals, they use others' successes as motivation to improve themselves. This path may seem harder initially, but it’s often far more rewarding.
The first approach might yield short-term results, but it comes with risks. If you're too aggressive, it could backfire or provoke retaliation from competitors. Worse still, focusing on others does nothing to enhance your own skills or offerings.
On the other hand, the second approach demands honesty about your strengths and weaknesses, which can be tough. However, it pays off significantly. By understanding where to invest time and effort, you become more efficient, take responsibility for your mistakes, and ultimately grow closer to achieving your full potential.
### Wanting to Win vs. Hating to Lose
Once you've chosen to focus on improving yourself rather than undermining others, the next step is figuring out how to stay motivated. Here's a mindset shift that has always helped me:
It’s not just about wanting to win—it’s also about hating to lose. For people like me, the sting of defeat often outweighs the joy of victory.
This doesn’t mean becoming a sore loser; ruining family game night won’t help anyone. However prioritizing the avoidance of unfavorable outcomes can actually be beneficial. It encourages you to address issues others might overlook, ensuring continuous improvement.
Take FutureFund, for example. One of our major competitors failed because their support team took weeks to respond to customers—an easily fixable problem they neglected. What seemed minor to them became critical to their users, eventually leading to their downfall.
We made timely customer support a non-negotiable priority, committing to respond within a few hours. This simple decision had a massive positive impact on our success.
In the context of your startup, staying competitive means celebrating wins while never becoming complacent about areas needing improvement.
### You Define What Winning Looks Like
Finally, it’s essential to establish a healthy way to measure and acknowledge your achievements. In business, defining success isn’t always straightforward since there aren’t universal benchmarks everyone agrees on.
Here’s my rule: Competition is healthy when *you* define what success looks like instead of letting others dictate it. Measure your progress against the goals you’ve set, rather than constantly comparing yourself to competitors and chasing after their lead.
For me, success is about incremental growth—being slightly better today than I was yesterday. In a startup environment, perfection is rarely attainable, but you can ensure steady progress. Make sure your product improves month-over-month, week-over-week, or even day-over-day. This way, you know you’re moving in the right direction.
By choosing constructive competition, embracing both wins and losses constructively, and defining success on your terms, you can harness your competitive spirit to fuel meaningful progress without letting it consume you.