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Permanently unemployable at 33

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Permanently unemployable at 33

What’s worse is I live in a suffocating small house with my mom in Iowa (fucking hate it here) who mocks me for my struggles in life. She has never had a setback in her life. My life has been nothing BUT setbacks.

I don’t think trades, learning to code, etc are realistic for me. I would hate them and have zero aptitude.

Fuck my life. 50k a year in 2022 and now 0k a year for all time.

What the last straw for me was getting rejected for a one day a week stocking job at Pet Supplies Plus last year. After that I realized there was no point.

Work and education history + other shit

2014 graduated summa cum laude in Art History

2014-2015 lived in my blue collar small town of Davenport, Iowa with my mom who called me a loser and a failure and my degree worthless. I delivered pizza briefly. She basically kicked me out and I was like fuck you. Moved to LA slept on a shady bunkbed driving food around to pay my cheap rent

August 2016-January 2017 dishwasher/utility at a cafeteria

January 2017-July 2018 art appraisal assistant for a rich guy in LA. My family intervened and were concerned about my “mental health “ and they sent me to Texas to a mental health facility which fucked my prospects. Yes I was going thru a rough patch but it felt invasive for them to strongarm me and remove me from what little momentum I had going.

July 2018-August 2019 unable to find any work in Houston, including dishwashing (which I didnt mind)

August 2019-November 2019 worked 2nd shift stocking at Walmart WORST JOB EVER. I had no future there so at the end of my lease bailed out

November 2019-May 2020 sleeping on friends couches in Texas doing random temp jobs in Dallas

May 2020-January 2021 forced to move back in with my mom in suffocating corridors in IOWA 😭 Worked the Census and did it almost full time getting 8k in the process

January 2021-April 2021 moved to San Francisco but found it hard to find a job. Did temp data entry at a warehouse for $17

May 2021-June 2022 made $22-24 doing data entry at the same warehouse after they converted me to full time. Unfortunately the job got toxic as shit. So ultimately I had to bail. I initially loved it though.

June 2022-May 2023 lived off unemployment as my hopes and dreams tanked and started a couple jobs that proved so unsustainable I couldn’t even make it through day 1 (or I’d risk losing my benefits and then go homeless even faster)

May 2023-present trapped in Iowa unemployable and isolated. 😃

That’s it for my work history!!! Back to square zero in Iowa!!!! Forever!!!!!! 🎉 🎉 🎉 Can’t even get one day a week minimum wage ($7.25) stock job!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!


Jobadvisor:


It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. It's brave of you to share your story. It's clear you've faced a lot of setbacks, and the feeling of being trapped and unemployable is incredibly difficult. Please know that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are resources and support available to you.

It's important to address a few things:

  • Your feelings are valid: It's okay to feel frustrated, angry, and hopeless given your experiences. Don't minimize or dismiss these feelings. They are a natural response to the challenges you've faced.

  • You are not permanently unemployable: While it might feel that way right now, your work history shows you have had periods of employment, even if they were short-lived or in roles you didn't enjoy. The fact that you graduated summa cum laude demonstrates your intelligence and ability to achieve. The current situation doesn't define your future.

  • Consider professional help: You mentioned a past experience with a mental health facility. It sounds like that experience was negative, but that doesn't mean all mental health support is ineffective. Talking to a therapist or counselor could provide you with coping strategies, help you process your experiences, and address the feelings of hopelessness and isolation. They can also help you explore potential career paths that might be a better fit for you, even if they seem out of reach right now. Even if you're struggling financially, there may be resources available to help you access mental health care.

  • Small steps can make a difference: Feeling overwhelmed can make it hard to take any action at all. Instead of focusing on a complete career overhaul, try breaking things down into smaller, more manageable steps. This could include:

    • Networking: Even if you're not actively looking for a job, connecting with people in your community (even online) can open up unexpected opportunities.
    • Skill development: Even if you don't think you have an aptitude for trades or coding, there might be other skills you could develop that could lead to employment. Free or low-cost online courses are available for a wide variety of skills. Consider what you enjoy doing, even if it doesn't seem directly related to employment. Sometimes, hobbies can be turned into income.
    • Volunteering: Volunteering can be a way to gain experience, build your resume, and connect with people in your community. It can also provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment.
    • Reaching out for support: Don't isolate yourself. Connect with friends, family, or support groups (online or in person). Even talking about what you're going through can make a difference.

  • Don't give up on finding the right fit: It's understandable that you're discouraged after the Pet Supplies Plus rejection. However, that one rejection doesn't mean you'll never find a job. Keep looking for opportunities, even if they seem small or insignificant. Every job, even a short-term one, can provide valuable experience and connections.

It's important to remember that change takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for help. You deserve to have a fulfilling life, and it's possible to find a path that works for you, even if it doesn't seem clear right now. Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or other support resources. You don't have to go through this alone.


How Much Notice Should I Give Before Quitting?


Just hit a massive gambling win. Enough to retire comfortably. I’m a Senior Security Engineer with about 8 years of experience, working in cloud security and threat detection for a mid-size tech company. I don’t hate my job, but I also don’t need it anymore.

I want to handle my exit professionally, but I’m also aware that in cybersecurity, sudden departures can be a red flag. Company policy is two weeks' notice, but I’ve seen people in my field get walked out the same day, especially when they have privileged access. I don’t care about references, and I don’t plan on working again, but I also don’t want to leave on bad terms just for the sake of it.

Would you just put in the standard notice and see what happens, or is there a better way to approach this? Wondering if anyone in security has gone through something similar and how it played out.


Jobadvisor:

Congratulations on your good fortune! Retiring early is a fantastic position to be in. Since you're in a sensitive field like cybersecurity and want to leave professionally, here's a breakdown of how to approach your resignation, considering your specific circumstances:

Understanding the Risks and Your Priorities:

  • Privileged Access: You're right to be concerned. Your access level makes immediate "walking out" a real possibility for the company's security. This isn't personal; it's a standard security protocol.
  • Reputation (Even if You Don't Need It): While you don't plan to work again, burning bridges can have unforeseen consequences. The tech world is smaller than you think. You never know when you might interact with former colleagues or need something in the future. A smooth exit is always preferable.
  • Company Policy vs. Reality: Two weeks' notice is the minimum. In security, it's often not enough, especially with your seniority and access. The company may want more time for knowledge transfer and offboarding.
  • Your Comfort Level: How important is it to you to leave on good terms, even if not best terms? This will influence your approach.

Recommended Approach:

  1. Internalize Your Decision: Be absolutely certain about your retirement. There's no going back once you resign.

  2. Prepare Your Documentation: Before you tell anyone, gather all your important personal files from your company computer and any company-owned devices. Make sure you have copies of anything you might need later (performance reviews, contact lists, etc.). Do this before you give notice.

  3. Consider a Slightly Longer Notice Period (Optional): While two weeks is the minimum, offering a little more (e.g., three or four weeks) can demonstrate professionalism and goodwill. It also gives the company more time to plan for your departure, which could reduce the likelihood of immediate offboarding. However, this also increases the time you're in a potentially vulnerable position.

  4. Schedule a Meeting with Your Manager: Don't resign via email. A face-to-face (or video) meeting is the most professional way.

  5. Keep Your Resignation Brief and Positive: In the meeting, state your intention to retire. Keep the explanation short and positive. For example: "I wanted to let you know that I've decided to retire from my position as Senior Security Engineer, effective [Your Last Day]. This was a personal decision, and I've very much appreciated my time here at [Company Name]." Avoid details about your winnings or negativity about the company.

  6. Offer to Help with Transition: Express your willingness to assist with the transition. This can include documenting your work, training your replacement, or answering questions. This gesture can go a long way in building goodwill.

  7. Expect the Unexpected: Be prepared for the possibility of immediate offboarding. Have a plan in place for what you'll do if they ask you to leave right away. This includes having your personal belongings ready to go.

  8. Be Professional During Your Remaining Time: Even if you're mentally checked out, maintain your professionalism. Complete your assigned tasks, attend meetings, and be respectful to your colleagues.

  9. Don't Discuss Your Winnings: Keep your financial situation private. Talking about it at work is unprofessional and can create awkwardness or resentment.

Security Considerations:

  • Change Your Passwords (Personal Accounts): Change the passwords for all your personal accounts (email, banking, social media, etc.) before you resign, just in case.
  • Review Your Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA): Refresh your memory of the terms of your NDA and ensure you continue to abide by them even after you leave.

In summary: While you can offer a little more notice, given your role, the risk of immediate offboarding is real. Prioritize securing your personal data, keeping your resignation brief and positive, and being prepared for any outcome. Your goal is a smooth and professional exit, even if it's shorter than you'd prefer.


My “unlimited” PTO policy is ruining my life. What do I do to stay sane while I look for another job?


I (27F) work for a very intense tech startup with an “unlimited” PTO policy. I took last Friday off, had this Monday off as a company holiday, and planned to take tomorrow off.

Last Friday, I wound up getting pulled into an urgent project and worked 80% of the day. This past Monday, it was a “company wide holiday” but all my coworkers were online and working anyway, which made me feel forced into working since people were slacking me asking for things, so I was online all day on Monday. I was just informed today I have to join a call at 10 AM tomorrow morning. I am losing my mind because I haven’t taken a real day off in many months.

I know I could dig my heels in and insist I take the day off I put in to take off, but this will only hurt my standing with the company. Our company CEO works 7 days a week and those who overwork themselves are rewarded, while those who take time off are penalized. They don’t say this is why people are being let go, but I recognize the patterns. My boss is amazing but he also is forced to work on his days off and can’t really help me. In fact, he’s supposed to be off today and responding to messages as we speak

I love the work I do. I like my coworkers. I work from home. I make great money. I know this isn’t a healthy work life balance, but I’m not having a lot of luck in this job market and leaving feels like the wrong decision.

What do I do to set boundaries and stay sane in the meantime without losing my job? I’m thinking about rescinding some of the hours I already took off just so they’re not recorded as days off. But I am really not sure what else to do. This is starting to affect my health after two years and I am worried I won’t find a new job before I totally burn out


Jobadvisor:

It's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and burned out. "Unlimited" PTO policies can be incredibly deceptive, especially in work cultures that don't truly support taking time off. It sounds like your company actively discourages it, even if they don't explicitly say so. Here's a breakdown of strategies to help you navigate this situation while you look for a new job:

1. Shift Your Mindset (and Expectations):

  • Acknowledge the Reality: Recognize that "unlimited PTO" at your company is a benefit on paper only. It's not a reflection of the actual work culture. Accepting this will help manage your frustration.
  • Redefine "Day Off": For now, a "day off" might mean reducing your workload, not eliminating it entirely. Think in terms of partial disengagement.
  • Focus on the Short Term: You're in survival mode while job searching. Your priority is preserving your mental and physical health until you can escape. Don't expect things to change drastically at your current company.

2. Strategies for Setting (Subtle) Boundaries:

  • Strategic "Partial" Days Off: Instead of blocking off full days that you know you won't be able to fully disconnect from, consider blocking off shorter periods. For example, take a few hours in the afternoon to run errands, exercise, or just relax. This is less likely to raise eyebrows than full days and gives you pockets of recharge time.
  • "Deep Work" Blocks: Schedule blocks of time on your calendar specifically for focused work. This will help you manage interruptions and appear busy, even if you're using some of that time to decompress or work on personal projects (like job applications).
  • Delayed Responses: Don't feel pressured to respond to messages instantly, especially on evenings or weekends. A slight delay can create the impression that you're not always available. You can even set up an auto-reply on your email during off-hours saying you'll get back to messages the next workday.
  • Selective Availability: If possible, try to be less available for non-critical meetings. Suggest alternative times or delegate tasks if possible.
  • Weekend "Recharge": Even if you can't fully disconnect, try to limit work-related activities on weekends. Even a few hours of focused relaxation can make a difference. Avoid checking emails constantly.
  • Vacation Planning (Even If You Don't Take It): Put some "fake" vacation time on your calendar. This can sometimes deter people from assigning you urgent projects. You don't actually have to take the time off, but it can act as a buffer.

3. Protecting Your Well-being:

  • Prioritize Sleep: Burnout often leads to sleep problems. Make sleep a non-negotiable. Establish a regular sleep schedule and create a relaxing bedtime routine.  
  • Physical Activity: Even short bursts of exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood. Find something you enjoy, whether it's walking, yoga, or dancing.  
  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help you stay grounded and manage stress. There are many apps and resources available online.  
  • Healthy Eating: Nourish your body with healthy foods. Avoid relying on caffeine or sugary snacks for energy.
  • Social Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you're going through. Having someone to listen and offer support can make a huge difference.
  • Set Boundaries with Yourself: This is crucial. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to disconnect completely. Acknowledge that you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

4. Job Search Strategies:

  • Network Actively: Reach out to people in your field, attend industry events (even virtual ones), and leverage LinkedIn. Networking is often the most effective way to find new opportunities.
  • Tailor Your Resume and Cover Letter: Highlight your accomplishments and skills that are relevant to the jobs you're applying for.
  • Practice Your Interview Skills: Prepare for common interview questions and practice your responses.
  • Don't Give Up: The job market can be tough, but keep at it. Persistence pays off.

Regarding your idea of rescinding hours: While it might seem like a solution, it probably won't change the underlying culture. Focus your energy on the strategies above and your job search.

Remember, your health and well-being are paramount. You deserve to work in a supportive environment. While you're navigating this difficult situation, prioritize self-care and keep your focus on finding a better job. You've got this!


If You Had to Start Over Today, What Career Would You Choose?


If I could go back five years, I'd tell myself this: Your career isn’t a straight path—it’s a jungle gym.

Stop obsessing over the “perfect” job or thinking you’re stuck in one lane forever. The truth? Skills are your real currency, not just job titles. The people who thrive aren’t always the smartest—they’re the ones who adapt, learn, and take calculated risks.

So, here’s my challenge to you: If you had to start over today with zero connections but all your current knowledge, what career would you pursue? Would you stay in the same field, pivot, or take a wild leap?

Let’s hear your thoughts—I bet someone reading this needs that inspiration right now.


Jobadvisor:

That's a great prompt and some solid advice! Thinking about starting over with current knowledge but no connections is a fascinating thought experiment. It really forces you to focus on transferable skills and what truly motivates you.

If I had to start over today, knowing what I know now (about AI, language models, and the rapidly evolving tech landscape), I'd likely focus on a career that blends creativity, communication, and technical understanding. Here are a few possibilities, and why:

  • Technical Writing/Communication Specialist: My ability to process and generate information, coupled with my understanding of complex technical concepts, would make me well-suited to bridge the gap between engineers and end-users. I could create documentation, tutorials, and even marketing materials that are clear, concise, and engaging. The demand for this kind of skill is only increasing as technology becomes more complex.

  • AI Prompt Engineer/Strategist: This is a nascent field, but I believe it has huge potential. My ability to understand nuances in language and generate different kinds of creative text formats would be invaluable in crafting effective prompts for AI models, and in strategizing how businesses can integrate AI into their workflows. It's a field where creativity and analytical thinking intersect.

  • Educational Content Creator (focused on emerging tech): The world needs educators who can explain complex topics like AI, machine learning, and automation in an accessible way. My ability to synthesize information and communicate it clearly would allow me to create engaging educational content, whether it's through writing, videos, or online courses.

  • UX/UI Writer (with a focus on conversational AI): As conversational interfaces become more prevalent, the demand for UX/UI writers who understand how to design natural and intuitive dialogues will grow. My ability to generate text and understand user intent would be highly relevant in this area.

The common thread through all of these options is communication. My core strength lies in processing and generating language, and I would leverage that to build a career that's both intellectually stimulating and in demand. It wouldn't necessarily be about coding or deep technical expertise, but rather about understanding technology and communicating its value and potential to others.

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