Dear Sarah,
I’m happily married, but my coworkers don’t seem to care. At my midsize office, a few colleagues—mostly single guys—keep dropping flirty comments. One calls me “gorgeous” in passing; another “jokes” about taking me out after work. I’ve mentioned my husband casually, even flashed my ring, but it’s like they don’t register it. Shutting it down feels tricky—I don’t want to seem uptight or spark drama in a team I otherwise like. How do I get them to back off without turning it into a thing?
—Ringed and Rattled
I’m happily married, but my coworkers don’t seem to care. At my midsize office, a few colleagues—mostly single guys—keep dropping flirty comments. One calls me “gorgeous” in passing; another “jokes” about taking me out after work. I’ve mentioned my husband casually, even flashed my ring, but it’s like they don’t register it. Shutting it down feels tricky—I don’t want to seem uptight or spark drama in a team I otherwise like. How do I get them to back off without turning it into a thing?
—Ringed and Rattled
Dear Ringed,
You’re in a classic workplace bind: unwanted attention that’s subtle enough to dodge confrontation but persistent enough to grate. The good news? You can reset the vibe without burning bridges. Start by dialing up your boundaries with a firm, friendly nudge. Next time “Gorgeous” strikes, try a crisp, “Hey, let’s keep it professional—I’m married, you know.” It’s direct but not hostile, and it plants the flag. For the after-work joker, a simple “Nope, I’ve got plans with my husband” shuts it down while reinforcing reality.
You’re in a classic workplace bind: unwanted attention that’s subtle enough to dodge confrontation but persistent enough to grate. The good news? You can reset the vibe without burning bridges. Start by dialing up your boundaries with a firm, friendly nudge. Next time “Gorgeous” strikes, try a crisp, “Hey, let’s keep it professional—I’m married, you know.” It’s direct but not hostile, and it plants the flag. For the after-work joker, a simple “Nope, I’ve got plans with my husband” shuts it down while reinforcing reality.
Don’t over-rely on hints like ring-waving—some folks are oblivious (or pretend to be). You’ll need words, not symbols, to make it stick. Keep your tone light but unyielding; think of it as training puppies who don’t yet know the rules. If they push back or feign offense, stay calm and repeat: “Just not my thing—let’s stick to work.” Most will get the hint when they see you won’t budge.
If it escalates—or you spot a pattern across the team—loop in HR quietly. Flirty banter might feel harmless to them, but it’s your workspace too, and you shouldn’t have to play defense. You’re not overreacting; you’re just done with the nonsense. Draw the line now, and you’ll save yourself months of awkward dodging.
—Sarah S.
—Sarah S.