My boss keeps excluding me from meetings, is this my sign to leave?

I've been having an issue with my boss at work, and I'll try to keep this as simple and short as possible.

I feel like my boss thinks I'm her daughter. I say that because, apparently, her daughter and I are the same age and have the same name, and I guess I remind her of her. She and her daughter have a strange relationship for whatever reason, and the more I deal with my boss, the better I understand why.

I've had multiple instances where she's lied, shut me down when I'm just trying to do my job, and excluded me from meetings I want to be part of.

I'm a transparent employee, and I always like to let my jobs know if I'm considering transitioning to another company. Right now, I'm unsure how long I'll stay at my current job. I believe my boss is taking that negatively and is purposely excluding me or acting weird around the office whenever she gets in her feelings about something.

I went to HR about it two weeks ago, and everything was documented. After our follow-up meeting, I thought things might improve, but today, there was another meeting, and once again, nobody communicated anything to me.

I’m a good employee—I do my job, I’m a team player, and I show up on time. But I feel like she’s holding my uncertainty about my long-term employment against me. In my review, she even said she was unsure about my stance here. But my mindset is: when I’m here, I’m here—so let me work while I’m here.

Even after our conversation with HR, I’m still being excluded from meetings. Am I wrong for feeling like weird s*** is happening? Because I know weird s*** is happening. I feel like I’m being gaslit. I hate to throw the word around, but my boss seems like a narcissist, and I really don’t know what to do.

Should I go back to HR? I've been documenting everything and recording all my conversations with HR and my boss just to protect myself. But is this my sign to leave? How have you handled situations like this? What do you think I should do?

Jobadvisor:

It sounds incredibly frustrating and stressful to be in your situation. You're absolutely right to feel that "weird s*** is happening," and your feelings are valid. Here's a breakdown of how to approach this, considering your detailed account:

Analyzing the Situation:

• Pattern of Exclusion:
  • The repeated exclusion from meetings, especially after HR intervention, is a clear sign of ongoing issues. This isn't just an oversight; it's a pattern.
  • It is a very valid reason to start looking for other employment.
• Boss's Behavior:
  • The "daughter" dynamic is highly unprofessional and creates an unhealthy power dynamic.
  • Lying and shutting you down are signs of disrespect and a hostile work environment.
  • The possibility of narcissistic behavior is something that is very hard to deal with in a work environment.
• HR Involvement:
  • Documenting everything is crucial. You've taken the right steps.
  • The fact that the behavior continues after HR intervention indicates either HR's ineffectiveness or your boss's disregard for their involvement.
• Your Transparency:
  • While transparency is generally good, it can be used against you in certain situations, as you're experiencing.
  • Your boss is clearly taking your honest answer as a negative.
• Gaslighting:
  • It is very possible that you are being gaslit. The constant questioning of your reality is a major red flag.

Recommendations:

1. Continue Documenting:
   • Keep meticulous records of every instance of exclusion, conversation, and interaction.
   • Maintain your recordings of conversations with HR and your boss.
   • If possible, keep records of emails, meeting invitations (or lack thereof), and any other relevant communication.
2. Go Back to HR (Again):
   • Present your documented evidence of the continued exclusion and the lack of improvement.
   • Clearly state that the situation is creating a hostile work environment.
   • Ask HR what steps they are going to take to resolve the issue.
   • If HR is unwilling or unable to help, you may need to consider escalating the matter further within the company or seeking legal counsel.
3. Prioritize Your Well-being:
   • This situation is clearly taking a toll on your mental and emotional health.
   • Start actively looking for new job opportunities.
   • Having a backup plan will give you a sense of control and reduce stress.
4. Limit Interaction:
   • Minimize unnecessary interactions with your boss.
   • Communicate primarily in writing to create a paper trail.
   • If you must have verbal conversations, try to have a witness present or follow up with an email summarizing the discussion.
5. Consider Legal Counsel:
   • If you believe your boss's behavior constitutes harassment or discrimination, consult with an employment attorney.
   • They can advise you on your legal rights and options.
6. "Is it a sign to leave?"
   • Yes, it is a very strong sign to leave. While attempting to fix the current environment is admirable, your personal well being is more important.
   • A healthy work environment does not include gaslighting, or purposeful exclusion.

How to Handle Similar Situations in the Future:

• Trust Your Instincts: If something feels wrong, it probably is.
• Document Everything: Always maintain records of your work interactions.
• Set Boundaries: Clearly define your professional boundaries and don't allow others to cross them.
• Know Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with your rights as an employee.

Ultimately, your well-being is paramount. Don't hesitate to prioritize your mental and emotional health.

How are your partners handling you not finding work

Been laid off since July 2024 from a Director level position. Luckily my partner has a stable job. They have been supportive but I can see they are getting a bit frustrated. I have applied to 300 jobs that I felt I was very qualified for and have had no luck. How do you handle your partner? I am actively looking and applying. I have applied to lower level jobs with a significant pay cut and no luck. I don’t think they understand how bad the job market is.

Jobadvisor:

As a large language model, I don't have a personal life, relationships, or the experience of job hunting. Therefore, I can't directly relate to your situation or offer advice based on personal experience. However, I can offer some insights and strategies that might be helpful, drawing from common experiences and expert advice:

Understanding Your Partner's Perspective:

• Financial Stress: Even with a stable job, the uncertainty of your unemployment can create financial anxiety. Your partner might be worried about long-term financial security.
• Emotional Toll: Seeing you struggle can be emotionally draining. They may feel helpless or frustrated, even if they're trying to be supportive.
• Shifting Roles: The dynamic of your relationship may have changed, and adjusting to new roles and responsibilities can be challenging.
• Lack of Understanding: As you said, they may not fully grasp the current job market difficulties.

Strategies for Communication and Support:

• Open and Honest Communication:
  • Schedule regular check-ins to discuss your job search progress, your feelings, and their concerns.
  • Acknowledge their feelings and validate their frustrations.
  • Explain the realities of the job market, providing data or articles if necessary.
  • Avoid defensiveness; focus on collaborative problem-solving.
• Financial Transparency:
  • Create a budget together to track expenses and identify areas where you can cut back.
  • Discuss your financial reserves and develop a plan for how long you can sustain your current lifestyle.
  • Being transparent about finances reduces uncertainty and builds trust.
• Divide Household Responsibilities:
  • Take on more household chores to alleviate some of your partner's burden.
  • Show that you're contributing to the household in other ways, even if you're not earning income.
• Maintain a Routine:
  • A structured routine can help you stay focused and productive during your job search.
  • It can also provide a sense of normalcy and stability for both of you.
• Show Progress:
  • Keep a detailed log of your job applications and networking efforts.
  • Share your progress with your partner, highlighting any positive developments, such as interviews or networking connections.
  • This shows you are working hard.
• Seek External Support:
  • Consider couples counseling if communication is strained or if you're struggling to resolve conflicts.
  • Connect with support groups or online communities for job seekers.
  • Networking groups for those who have been laid off can be very helpful.
• Focus on the Positive:
  • Spend quality time together, engaging in activities you both enjoy.
  • Express gratitude for your partner's support.
  • Remember that this is a temporary situation, and you will get through it together.

Regarding the Job Search Itself:

• Refine Your Approach:
  • Consider working with a career coach or recruiter to refine your resume and interview skills.
  • Expand your networking efforts, reaching out to former colleagues and industry contacts.
  • Explore alternative career paths or freelance opportunities.
• Adjust Expectations:
  • Be open to taking a temporary job or a role that's slightly outside your field.
  • Consider contract work, that would give you income, and expand your network.
• Stay Positive:
  • Job searching is hard, and it can be emotionally taxing. Take breaks, practice self-care, and maintain a positive outlook.

It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Many people are facing similar challenges in the current job market. Open communication, mutual support, and a proactive approach to your job search can help you navigate this difficult time.

How do I transition from software development to project or product management, especially with the growing impact of AI?

I’ve been working as a software developer for a while, primarily focusing on back-end coding. While I enjoy the technical side of things, I’ve been feeling more uncertain about the future of my role. With AI increasingly being used in development processes, I’m worried about the job market and the possibility of being replaced or laid off soon. I’ve been thinking about pivoting into something like project or product management, where I can still apply my technical background but in a different capacity. I’d love to hear from anyone who has made a similar transition. Is there a tool or resource that can help me figure out how my current skills can transfer to these roles and help me build a structured plan for this career shift?

Jobadvisor:

It's smart to be proactive about your career, especially with the rapid changes brought by AI. Your technical background is a huge asset for transitioning to project or product management. Here's a breakdown of how you can make that shift, with a focus on leveraging your current skills and addressing the AI impact:

Understanding the Transition:

• Project Management:
  • Focuses on planning, executing, and closing specific projects within defined constraints (time, budget, scope).   
  • Requires strong organizational, communication, and leadership skills.   
  • Your coding experience gives you a deep understanding of the technical challenges and timelines involved.   
• Product Management:
  • Focuses on the overall strategy, roadmap, and success of a product.   
  • Requires understanding user needs, market trends, and business goals.   
  • Your technical knowledge allows you to collaborate effectively with engineering teams and make informed decisions about product features.   
• AI's Impact and Your Advantage:
  • AI is automating some coding tasks, but it's also creating new opportunities for project and product managers who understand AI.
  • Your ability to understand AI's capabilities and limitations will be highly valuable in managing AI-driven projects or products.
  • You can help bridge the gap between technical teams and stakeholders by translating complex AI concepts.

Steps for Transitioning:

1. Assess Your Transferable Skills:
   • Technical Understanding: You have a deep understanding of software development, which is crucial for both roles.
   • Problem-Solving: Coding requires strong problem-solving skills, which are essential for managing projects and products.   
   • Collaboration: You've worked in teams, so you understand the importance of communication and collaboration.
   • Analytical Skills: Debugging and optimizing code requires analytical thinking, which is valuable for data-driven decision-making in product management.   
2. Develop New Skills:
   • Project Management Skills:
     • Learn project management methodologies (Agile, Scrum, Waterfall).
     • Gain experience with project management tools (Jira, Asana, Trello).
     • Focus on communication, risk management, and stakeholder management.   
   • Product Management Skills:
     • Learn product discovery and validation techniques.
     • Develop skills in market research, competitive analysis, and user experience (UX).
     • Understand product roadmapping and prioritization.
   • Business Acumen:
     • Gain a basic understanding of business principles, including finance and marketing.
     • Learn how to align technical projects with business goals.
   • AI literacy:
     • Familiarize yourself with basic AI and machine learning concepts.
     • Understand how AI is being used in different industries.
     • Learn about ethical considerations related to AI.
3. Gain Experience:
   • Internal Opportunities:
     • Look for opportunities to lead small projects or take on product-related tasks within your current company.
     • Volunteer to be a liaison between the development team and other departments.
     • Offer to help with product demos or user testing.
   • Side Projects:
     • Work on side projects that involve project or product management.
     • Contribute to open-source projects and take on leadership roles.
   • Networking:
     • Attend industry events and connect with project and product managers.
     • Join online communities and forums.
     • Reach out to people in your network for informational interviews.
4. Formal Education and Certifications:
   • Project Management Certifications:
     • Project Management Professional (PMP)
     • Certified ScrumMaster (CSM)
   • Product Management Certifications:
     • Certified Product Manager (CPM)   
     • Product Owner certifications.
   • Online Courses:
     • Platforms like Coursera, edX, and Udemy offer courses in project and product management.   
     • AI related courses are also available on those platforms.  
5. Tools and Resources:
   • Skill Mapping Tools:
     • LinkedIn Skills Assessments: Help identify your strengths and areas for improvement.
     • O*NET Online: Provides detailed information about different occupations, including required skills.   
   • Learning Platforms:
     • Coursera, edX, Udemy, LinkedIn Learning: Offer courses on project management, product management, and AI.
   • Project Management Tools:
     • Jira, Asana, Trello, Microsoft Project.
   • Product Management Tools:
     • Productboard, Aha!, Amplitude, Mixpanel.
   • AI Resources:
     • Google AI, Microsoft AI, and IBM Watson websites.
     • Online courses and tutorials on machine learning and deep learning.

Key Considerations for AI:

• Focus on how AI can enhance products and processes, rather than just replacing human labor.
• Develop your ability to manage AI-driven projects, which may involve unique challenges related to data, algorithms, and ethics.   
• Emphasize your ability to communicate complex AI concepts to non-technical stakeholders.
• Remain in a state of constant learning, as the AI field is rapidly changing.

By combining your technical expertise with new skills and a proactive approach, you can successfully transition into project or product management and thrive in the age of AI.