My job asked me to “act like family.” So I started setting boundaries like one. Now they say I have an attitude

I’m tired of the fake “we’re a family” script at work.

I told my manager, “If we’re a family, then I’m that cousin who sets boundaries, doesn’t show up to drama, and expects to be respected.” Suddenly, I’m “not a team player,” “not engaged,” and “hard to manage.” Funny how acting like a healthy family member gets you labeled the problem. Maybe I’m crazy, but I thought respecting people’s time, mental space, and personal lives was what real families do? Anyone else hit with the “we’re a family” guilt trip only to realize it’s just corporate code for “we’ll underpay you and expect loyalty”?

Jobadvisor:

You've hit on a very common and frustrating workplace dynamic. The "we're a family" trope is often used to blur the lines between professional and personal, which can lead to exploitation and burnout. Here's a breakdown of why this happens and how to approach it:

Why the "We're a Family" Script Is Problematic:

• Exploitation of Emotional Labor:
  • Families are expected to support each other unconditionally, often at the expense of personal well-being. Companies use this to guilt employees into working longer hours, taking on extra tasks, and tolerating disrespectful behavior.
• Blurring Boundaries:
  • Healthy families still have boundaries. Workplaces that claim to be families often disregard these boundaries, leading to invasion of personal time and space.
• Lack of Reciprocity:
  • In a real family, support is reciprocal. In a workplace, the "family" dynamic often benefits the company more than the employees.
• Discourages Professionalism:
  • It can hinder professional growth because disagreements that are normal in a work environment, become personal.
• Creates an uneven power dynamic:
  • The company, like a parent, has much more power than the employees, like children. This can lead to abusive situations.

Why Setting Boundaries Is Essential:

• Protecting Your Well-being:
  • Boundaries are crucial for maintaining mental and emotional health.
• Maintaining Professionalism:
  • Clear boundaries ensure that work relationships remain professional and respectful.
• Preventing Burnout:
  • Setting limits on work hours and availability helps prevent burnout.
• Asserting Your Value:
  • By setting boundaries, you communicate that your time and energy are valuable.

How to Respond (and What to Expect):

• Expect Pushback:
  • When you challenge the "family" dynamic, you're likely to encounter resistance. Your experience of being labeled "not a team player" is very common.
• Focus on Professionalism:
  • Frame your boundaries in terms of professional needs, not personal preferences. For example, "I'm committed to delivering high-quality work, and I've found that setting clear boundaries on my availability helps me achieve that."
• Document Everything:
  • Keep records of any instances where your boundaries are disrespected or where you're subjected to negative feedback for asserting them.
• Know Your Rights:
  • Familiarize yourself with your employment rights and company policies regarding work hours, overtime, and harassment.
• Find Your Community:
  • Talking with other people who have experienced the same thing can help validate your feelings.
• Consider Your Options:
  • If the workplace culture is consistently toxic, it may be time to consider other employment opportunities.

In essence, you are not crazy. You are reacting in a very healthy way to an unhealthy work environment. Many people have gone through the same experience.