Ethics: He’s My Best Employee, but People Don’t Like Him. What Should I Do?

“He isn’t rude–just direct.” Our Ethics columnist tackles an entrepreneur’s workplace dilemma.

This is a classic—and tough—management dilemma: how to retain a high-performing, experienced employee whose interpersonal style is creating friction with customers, partners, and colleagues. Minda Zetlin's advice is solid, but let me build on it with some additional frameworks and practical steps that might help you navigate this.

1. Separate Performance from Behavior

You're already doing this intuitively, but make it explicit in your documentation and conversations:

What's working: Speed, accuracy, institutional knowledge, operational excellence.
What needs adjustment: Tone, volume, perceived impatience, customer-facing presence.

This isn't about changing who he is—it's about adapting how he shows up in specific contexts. Frame it as a skill upgrade, not a personality critique.

2. Make Feedback Specific, Observable, and Actionable

Instead of "tone it down," try:

"When a customer asks a clarifying question, pause for two seconds before responding."
"If you feel frustrated on a call, use the phrase 'Let me make sure I understand' to reset the conversation."
"Raise your hand (literally or figuratively) to signal you need a brief pause if a discussion is escalating."

These are measurable behaviors he can practice. Role-play them in your check-ins.

3. Investigate the "18-Month Shift"

Zetlin is right to flag this. Possible contributors:

Burnout: Rapid growth often means more complexity, less autonomy.
Role misalignment: Is he still doing the work he loves, or has his role expanded into areas that drain him?
Life stage: Turning 60 can bring reflection, fatigue, or shifting priorities.
Perceived undervaluation: Does he feel his expertise is being overlooked as the company scales?

Ask directly: "I've noticed things feel more tense lately. What's feeling harder for you right now?" Listen without fixing first.

4. Consider Structural Solutions

If direct customer interaction is the flashpoint, could you redesign his role?

Tiered support model: He handles complex/internal ops; a more customer-polished teammate handles frontline communication.
"Expert escalation" path: Customers only reach him after initial triage, when his directness is an asset, not a liability.
Mentorship track: Leverage his 30 years of experience to train others—freeing him from high-volume customer calls while preserving his impact.

This isn't sidelining him; it's optimizing where his strengths create the most value.

5. Tie Growth to Accountability

Zetlin's suggestion about compensation reviews is key. Make it clear:

Continued leadership opportunities (and compensation growth) depend on both operational excellence and collaborative impact.
Offer support: coaching, communication training, or even an executive coach if the budget allows.

6. Protect Psychological Safety—For Everyone

If he raises his voice, that affects team culture beyond customer complaints. One clear boundary: "We can be direct without being dismissive. Raising your voice isn't acceptable, even under stress." Consistency here signals that respect is non-negotiable.

A Question to Reflect On

Given your own experiences with workplace dynamics and being perceived negatively despite good intentions—does this situation resonate with challenges you've faced or observed? Sometimes the hardest part of managing "brilliant but difficult" talent is balancing empathy for their perspective with accountability for their impact.